I went in fully prepared to find this book over-hyped. Since its release, I have seen its minimalist avian cover everywhere one could possibly encounter something literary, but never a review or a critique or a reflection that made me understand why its contents deserve such a prized place. (Contrast this with, say, Emily Wilson’s Odyssey translation, which has been similarly plastered about and for which I regularly stumble upon interesting reflections about where she succeeds or fails in capturing Homer’s age-old story, or how it captured someone’s fancy.) Quite to my surprise, I loved it.
I can see immediately why this epistolary novel captured the literary crowd: it is a very literary book. In their correspondence with each other, the characters reference books and authors constantly. The main character, Sybil, and her best friend end their letters to each other with “What are you reading?” The books that characters select for each other or for themselves relate to the familiar reader something about their inner lives and preoccupations, and this intertextuality lends itself to a rich reading experience. For example, Sybil maintains a correspondence with Joan Didion. Having recently read The Year of Magical Thinking, I can imagine why she first reached out in the years following the death of her son.
But there is more to the book than just the satisfaction of “getting the references.” The central character is a complex but compelling woman with a strong sense of herself, but who has locked up her heart in the wake of her child’s death and as a defense mechanism as an early pioneering working woman in a male-dominated field. Her past is revealed to us slowly, satisfyingly. For example, her eloquent rage at the levity with which a newspaper covered a boy’s accidental death becomes more understandable once we learn of her own experiences. Her correspondence first introduces us into a number of disparate plotlines, which we slowly discover are really different versions of similar struggles: family separation and re-unification; forging familial relationships outside of one’s bloodline; and fitting into the world awkwardly, whether because of one’s gender, orientation, immigration status, or neurodivergence. The weaving together of these themes from many different angles produces an emotionally resonant work.
The author’s writing was beautiful, moving; I highlighted many passages. Here are a few:
I am finding I have nowhere to put all of [these thoughts]. I’m sorry, but do you know what I mean? It’s like I’ve come home from the grocery store overburdened with bags, but the cupboards, the refrigerator, the pantry, the countertop are all already full.
I was afraid to have a girl because what if I couldn’t understand you? I’d never found a way to fit into the world, not really, and what if I didn’t know how to be a mother to you? I was afraid and that’s the whole thing. I was afraid all the time of losing something or ruining something, and then I did.
You and I have enjoyed an honest, confrontational friendship for going on sixty years.
Answer every question they’ve asked, and ask your own, and you will have created a never-ending circuit of curiosity and learning.
My letters have been far more meaningful to me than anything I did with the law. The letters are the mainstay of my life, where I was only practicing law for thirty years or so. The clerkship was my job, the letters amount to who I am.